Didn’t Date Me ‘Cause I’m Black!

Written By Pink Flowers

I think he didn’t wanna date me ‘cause I’m black, y’all — for realz!

Okay, not for real “for realz” but that’s the kinda shit 400 years of oppression does in the area romance, fo’ sho! I was dating a sweet dude and he decided it was better we stay friends. There was half a dozen reasons I could name straight up—not least a’ which is I’m married AF. Polyamory aside, we hit it off and it looked like things was moving in that direction but then suddenly things got complicated and the brakes got pulled.

I wish I didn’t have that nagging question, but I had to be honest. I put it out there so’s it wouldn’t fester like a boil in what could be an awesome friendship. That’s the kind of shit that comes out in passive aggression when you least expect it. Instead of biting his head off one day over dinner when he asks me to pass the pepper (“Bitch, who you calling pepper?!”) I just told him I was getting the racial “feelz.”

He was cool about it, but just happened to mention the obligatory “black relative” who he had a meaningful relationship with. He immediately apologized for pulling the “my best friend is black” card and peddled his ass back a few yards. “I’m not saying...” blah, blah—but actually that is what he was saying. He ain’t have to mention it, but he did. He was defending his anti-racism stance.

I was like, “Look, I don’t own the conversation about race, anymore than you are instantly axed from the convo ‘cause you look white. It makes sense to explain where you are when it comes to race. Some people at zero whiles others been forced to consider race or perish. Take my friends Kera and Meredith, two white women raising a black son. They know a little more than a person who act like they never met a black person.”

That’s really how I feel. I probably was letting him off easy, but I do think it’s racist to assume people experience with race based on how they look. I’m sure I’mma get chewed out for saying that shit, but it’s how I feel and I’m entitled to my friggin’ opinion. He was like “I’mma quote you the next time somebody come for me for being white and having an opinion about race.” I said, “Don’t put my name in it. That’s an ass whoopin’ you gonna have to take by your damn self!”

Pink Flowers

Pink Flowers is a Black trans artist, peacemaker, educator, and pleasure activist whose work lives at the intersection of embodiment, governance, and cultural transformation. Trained in Theater of the Oppressed, Art of Hosting, and Navajo-informed Peacemaking practices, Pink designs spaces where conflict can be addressed, power can be examined, and joy can be reclaimed.

Her artistic and pedagogical practice draws from African trickster cosmology, Brazilian Joker traditions, shamanic ritual, and cooperative economics. She is the founder of the award-winning Falconworks Theater Company (2005–2021), which used popular theater to build civic capacity and participatory leadership in historically marginalized communities.

Pink served for over five years as a trained Peacemaker in the Red Hook Community Justice Center in Brooklyn, facilitating restorative processes within the New York City court system. From 2015–2018, she worked in cooperative business development with the Center for Family Life, supporting worker-owned enterprises in immigrant communities.

She currently serves as Director of Education and Training for the Inter-Cooperative Council in Ann Arbor, where she leads leadership development and conflict engagement initiatives. Her work has been presented nationally and internationally, including at the Stretch Festival in Berlin and the Pedagogy and Theatre of the Oppressed Conference.

Across ritual, performance, mediation, and institutional design, Pink’s work asks a central question:

What becomes possible when we refuse shame and choose conscious power instead?

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