Sex is for Professionals
If you want something done right, y’all, hire a professional — for realz!
Pleasure activism has carried me into spaces most fear to tread. Sometimes, I’m discovering a guide is required to navigate certain landscapes both external and internalized. When it comes to my sexuality, my body is a field of emotional and psychological land mines. Though I possess a hefty sexual appetite, past traumas have left me often unable to distinguish between my own sexual urges and desires, and messages about myself and my body that were left behind by past abuse. I don’t know how to ask for what I want. My throat closes when a lover whispers a request. For most of my life, I have been “checked out” (in primitive “freeze” mode) during sex.
Stepping into alignment with my experienced gender, relieved much of my body shame. I’m happy with the tools nature gave me (with help from Henry Ford Hospital) for use in sexual encounters. What I still lack is the know-how to achieve the sexual pleasure that’s possible (and that I deserve). I know very well how to please a lover. I’m a fast learner, and an obedient sex partner. Most people like that. For my own pleasure, I fear asking for what I want, and I’m often out of tune with my body to perceive what feels good.
Enter Klyde, a ex-porn actor, now sex-Worker in New England. I’d had a particularly bad experience with a “stud” who had made many promises (over several weeks) regarding his ability to satisfy me. He never even got it up. Instead of sex, I helped him assemble his shattered ego, and put him out with “better luck next time.” Still, my body was ready, I was triggered, turned on, and suddenly on the hunt. I never seriously considered a hustler, even though I have several friends who regularly work with pros to get their rocks off. Talking to Klyde, learning what he did, and realizing that it would cost about the same as an expert mani/pedi, I gave up a trip to the salon to engage a professional intimacy partner.
We met just to talk. I paid him for his time at the outset, and was explicit I wasn’t expecting sex from him. I was curious about what went into being a person who engaged in sex for money (which in 2022 is still illegal in most places). He shared his CV and samples of his work. He shared a few personal details, was forthright, and projected a sense of a kind, principled person. He was courteous. He was friendly. His customer service game was strong. I was satisfied, ready to thank him and say goodnight when he requested a little head. I obliged.
Since meeting Klyde, I’ve had the most satisfying orgasms of my life. The kind I didn’t know possible. The first time he made me climax, it may as well have been my first ever. Klyde, has a preference for trans women. He didn’t need any instructions. He’s a pretty good coach, teaching me a trick or two of my own. He does great after care as well, sticking around long enough for me to reset myself. He’ll even do it again, if it’s within our agreed appointment timeframe. Mostly, I’m learning what I like, what I don’t, and how to communicate better with a partner.
I’m not suggesting everyone go out and hire a sex worker, even though we should have such a world where doing so didn’t come fraught with stigma and risk of an arrest. Being a 6’ 7” woman mitigates chances I’ll be assaulted by anyone. I do think everyone should get to choose the way the engage their own body, with whom and under what agreements. I know that’s idealistic of me, and that some will be appalled at my choice to pay for sex. Their loss.
—Notorious Pink
