LGBTQIA+BLM2

Y’all, could the gay community please realize that Black Lives Matter—for realz?

I don’t mean to hate on my brothers that go over the rainbow, but damn, y’all, it’s 2020. My black ass does not exist to fulfill your problematic, historic and racist fetishes. I don’t care how complimentary you think you are being, when you toss the word “black” in front of something of mine you trying to describe. It’s really traumatizing and, back when I was in the throes of PTSD, re-traumatizing. If I failed to speak on it, it was likely because I was in shock. I may also have simply checked out and you were having sex with an unconscious person, which is effectively sexual assault.

Maybe this happens outside the LGBTQ+ community, but the idea of fetishizing people based on identity is a form of abuse and dehumanizing, especially if you do it without their knowledge or permission. I’m a fan of a little kink here and there. Who am I kidding? I love kink! Bring on the ball gags and gimp suits. Still, there’s a big difference between wanting to collar a friend, and spontaneously jumping into a re-enactment of America’s shameful and violent history of racial oppression and genocide.

When I played cowboys and Indians as a child, I wasn’t aware of the tradition of violent oppression and colonization I was re-enacting. I would never think of blurting out to a Native American “Scalp me, Geronimo!” during our sexual encounter. I know better. It’s pretty obvious to me the generational trauma of being a descendant of a people who continue to have their land stolen and treaties broken. It’s so easy to forget that the United State was an armed robbery.

I guess that’s a mark of privilege when you can pretend something never happened and then exploit that it happened to enhance your fantasy life. That’s part of the mass hysteria of modern society. Otherwise progressive-minded folks can turn around and exploit their privilege in ways that maintain class, racial and gender hierarchies. Nice people committing acts of psychological warfare. While you have your fun, you might be leaving that “other” needing a visit to their therapist.

I’m not even saying a little antebellum role play can’t be fun, but have the respect to tell the person what you are into before you’re in the thick of things and get consent. Of course, these are often the same guys who neglect to divulge (or even find out) their status (STDs) and will also likely develop an allergy to latex when asked to put on a condom. Sex should be for the mutual enjoyment of everyone involved. If you’re not checking in with your partners to be sure they are having a good time, they probably aren’t.