Gay, Straight, or…Purple?
We gotta break sexual orientation out of the binary, y’all — for realz!
When I grew up there was gay, straight (and sometimes bi, the sexual unicorn). My idea of sexuality was, of course, based on the bi/nary way I was taught to think about both gender and sexual orientation.
I’m gonna start with what seems simpler to me, even though ain’t nothing simple about it: orientation. I just assumed everyone was looking to get laid and all that needed figuring was who they wanted to screw. Obviously, that is an oversimplification. Easy to understand that there are people who want more or less sex. There are people who don’t want sex at all. There are folks who see sex as more than a penis in whatever available opening. Let’s call the last one their “kink.” Yes, you have one!
Because there is so much to do with another person that is considered erotic, there has to be a way to talk about that orientation other than gay, straight or bi. We prolly should consider the number of sex partners a person enjoys best. That is not necessarily connected to kink. For some people, the number (even the exact number) of people is as essential to their ability to get off as the type of people they want in that group. For yet other people the bodies don’t matter at all. Sapiosexuals are turned on by intelligence. For others, the language used, or the silence of the person are key. I’m sure you see what I’m getting at there.
Then there’s the question of gender preferences. This is where the waters can get really murky. Because gender is not binary. It is unlikely attraction can be binary based on gender. There are people assigned a gender (male or female) at birth who, by chance, are only into people who were assign the opposite of two available genders. Identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth is called cis (as in ciswoman or cisman).
Understanding gender as way more fluid than male and female, one gotta accept that attraction is equally fluid. I might be attracted to anyone male passing regardless of the gender they were assigned. That is my personal leaning, however those qualities, as they exist in people of whatever sexual designation, means that I am attracted to women. I’m dating someone in the process of medically aligning their body to their gender. The change is cosmetic. They are who they are regardless of how my eyes want to see them. I also have a crush on a man who was born with a vagina.
There’s a lot of people out there assuming they are straight when, if the truth were known (if the truth were accepted), they would understand that they have gone far afield of their so-called preference. There’s the dramatic trope of a “man” engaging with a “woman” for sex and discovering she has a penis. It often intended as humor or shock. It’s real life and it’s the kind of situation some of us find ourselves in everyday of our lives navigating the treacherous waters of physical connection.
Before y’all go looking down people’s pants, perhaps you might want to give more consideration to your own proclivities. You may discover it’s not about body parts at all. As everyone has a right to enjoy their body erotically in the way that suits them. It doesn’t require a label or even a model. You can make it up. Just get consent. I’d say stay safe, but even that is a vague notion that will be the topic of another post.
